The campus library has been recycling the olde-timey library catalog cards as scrap paper for writing ISBNs on. I usually reuse them as bookmarks, and last week noticed I had one that said:

"CARCASSES OF LIVESTOCK

see

LIVESTOCK-- CARCASSES"


So now I have this mental image stuck in my head of someone thumbing through to find this card and thinking "crap, I knew I should have looked under 'livestock' first."

Today I discovered that I can't do "Jazz Hands."

At the market last night, the checker boy helping the guy in front of me held up a green pear, looked through the produce codes, looked back at the pear, and then wondered aloud "what kind of squash is this?"



(To be fair, it had no stem and did somewhat resemble a chayote squash)

I belong to an odd generation. I'm old enough that I clearly remember life before the internet, the first day I learned about it, and the developments that have led to its current state. On the other hand, I'm young enough that I have grown accustomed to its presence and take its existence for granted.

Most of the kids in my classes are 2-4 years younger than me, which is enough of a gap that they are used to the internet always existing. More and more educators today are blaming the internet for increasing problems with literacy, as students are used to being fed information in bite-sized doses, and they tend not to have good quality-control filtering when it come to trusting websites.

However, when I think about it, there is only one thing I truly resent the internet for: ruining competitions. Remember when you'd buy a soda and it would say "Check under the cap to see if you're a winner!"? Food competitions used to be FUN. You'd have to match three symbols on the stick of your popsicle, and the suspense would be killing you as you ate down to see the third symbol. Or you'd go rooting through a box of cereal for the thing that told you if you won.

It was simple. It either said "Congratulations! You have won X!" or it said "Sorry! Please try again." And you'd be all like "FUCK YEAH I just won a free popsicle!" or you'd be like "Aw man. I want to win. I should buy more." Those were the good old days.

Now though. Now those motherfuckers have killed the experience. Now when you check your item to see if you won, it just gives you a string of letters and numbers that you're supposed submit on their website. So you go to the website, and they want you to register first. So you register on their website, put in the code, and then it condescends to tell you if you've won anything.

Your options are:
(A) Don't register with them, and never know if you won
(B) Register with them, and then regret it forever because they use the info to spam you forever and then the sell your info to other people who will also spam you forever.

Fuck you, internet.

/face sniffing/face licking/face nuzzling. ALRIGHT, I'll pet you.

For anyone planning on making it to Reno for the tourney, this is my guide to some casino buffets and deals.

The Peppermill's Island Buffet: Overall, the Peppermill has a large spread of food, with mexican, chinese, and 'american' as well as a salad bar. Unfortunately a lot of it tastes generic like they just buy it from Costco. The rice is dry, the whipped cream is fake, and the mini-burgers are rock-hard. The major bonus for the Island buffet is the dessert selection, which is generally extensive and includes 8 flavors of real ice cream. The buffet is also known for including fake thunderstorms to complement the island theme. Breakfast $11.99, lunch $12.99, dinner $16.99 if I remember correctly.

Deals: Seniors get good deal here if they have a Peppermill card, so find yourself an old person (I forget, but I think 55 is senior there). For dinner they only get $3 off, but for breakfast or lunch they get one person in free for parties of four or less, and 25% off for larger parties.


Grand Sierra's Lodge: Mediocre selection. Tiny mexican food bar, turkey dinner fixins, some generic pastas and fish and prime rib and whatnot. However, they make some damn good pizza, and do have a pretty good salad bar. Dinners any night of the week include shrimp and crab legs. Every night of the week has a different food theme (Sunday has thai food, Friday is seafood, etc), however in the few times I've had dinner there the only thing that changed was the soup selection. Dessert is pathetic and dry EXCEPT the soft-serve is exceptional. I forget the price range, but it is similar to the other two. Dinner is $18.99-19.99.

Deals: Okay, here's where you need to pay attention. If you go to dinner, $3 will get you unlimited coors light or (boxed) wine. As far as I could tell, the only catch is that they give you miniature cups and you have to get them refilled yourself. The other deal requires someone with a Nevada license. If you sign up for the GSR card and you're local, you can go to any of their buffets - any time, any day, including holidays - for $7.77. A local can get 3 non-locals in for that price.


Atlantis's Toucan Charlie's buffet: Also a very large spread, with excellent mexican, chinese (including stir-fry bar), and american food, a salad bar, and a decent dessert selection. Best quality of the buffets, with real-tasting foods. Has been voted best buffet in reno several times. Pricing chart can been found here.

Deals: IT'S A TRAP. If you hear about any offers, try to get the full story before investing your time or effort. They do always have a 10% off for 55+, but any other deal likely has strings attached even if there isn't any small print on the offer.


Harrah's: Casino smells like old person pee. Haven't tried the buffet, but I would advise against it.

NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME. NO ONE. EVER. LISTENS.

BLAAAAAUUUUURGH!

Anywho, back to grading.

Pi day!

Five years until the ultimate pi day!

(Pi: 3.14159265357897932384626433832795028841971693993...)

In case you missed the memo:

Chunky peanut butter no longer exists. Your options are "creamy" or "SuperChunk"

Most people do not understand the concept of exponential growth. Therefore, this is in fact the most important video (series) you should see.

Part 1:

I'm trying to come up with a bibliography for a twenty-page paper on civil war in magical-realist literature. I'm trying to limit it to one piece per author though I'm going to be playing it a little fast & loose with the definitions of "civil war" (possible downgrade to "conflict") and "magical realism."

So far all I have is One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Difficult Loves by Italo Calvino. The Milagro Beanfield War is a possiblity, sort of.

Basically, HELP. Anyone. Short stories, novels, anything. If you don't help me, I'll never share my secret to making a great apple cobbler.

Me: "One student for Inglourious Basterds, please."
Box Office Guy: "One?"
Me: "Yeah, one."
BOG: "You're... alone?"
Me: "Uh. Yeeees."

Thank you for pointing it out though.

I love this town. Tickets to the PBR (professional bull riding, to those of you who aren't hicks) 9/11, camel races 9/12.

I think I need to start trying to quote Kid Rock more.

Insurance companies are fun. They act like they really care about the minutiae of our lives, even if they're just trying to find some way to screw us.

Huh. I now know what a photo shoot for the Hooters girl calendar looks like.

I love going to a school where orientation includes instructions on what to do if someone tries to rob the classroom.

You know what's really fun? Moving house in the rain.

Anyway, I'll have no internet connection until further notice, possibly a week or so into January. So long.

I find it amusing that the designers of the box for Life cereal didn't think the better of putting a white kid on the original kind and a black kid on the cinnamon ones.